


Zutto Owaranai Kono Toki Ni (This Time Will Never End)

by vogue91



Category: Amuse
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sex, M/M, Morning After, Regret, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 12:27:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14044269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: A tiny hope appeared in the older boy’s mind, believing he was being so lucky that Haruma didn’t remember the past night at all, but a few seconds and the horrified expression on his face belied him.





	Zutto Owaranai Kono Toki Ni (This Time Will Never End)

Takeru looked around, confused.

It took him a few moments to realize where he was, to focus on what had happened the night before.

And as much as he wanted to lie to himself, he knew that room was familiar, that bed too, the heavy breath of the boy next to him.

He passed his hands over his face, trying to nip the panic attack in the bud.

It was wrong, it was all wrong. He rubbed his eyes, thinking quickly, bringing back to his mind the memories of the night before.

They were blurred, but they were there, unescapable, and didn’t leave him room to think that it could’ve gone down differently.

 

_They were drinking._

_They were drinking too much, and Takeru knew, he knew he should’ve told him to stop and go home._

_Since a while now, he had tried to keep in control with him, to avoid any unpleasant situation, and he was damn scared that one day he wasn’t going to make it anymore, that he would’ve let go and then he would’ve had to pay the consequences._

_But he tried to rationalize, he told himself that one more glass couldn’t hurt._

_And he kept drinking._

He got up quickly, swearing while he rummaged through the clothes abandoned on the floor, trying to tell his from Haruma’s.

He had just put his shirt on when he heard the younger one fidgeting among the sheets, muttering something unintelligible.

Takeru froze, turning slowly to look at him. He thought quickly about how much better it would’ve been to grab his remaining clothes and getting out of the room before Haruma could fully wake up. He could pretend nothing had happened, and let Haruma believe he had imagined that, but as it turned out, he didn’t have enough time.

Miura opened his eyes, slowly, squinting when he couldn’t bring into focus the shape in front of him.

It took him a few seconds to realize what was happening, and as soon as he realized Takeru was the one in his room he sat up, leaning to the nightstand and taking his glasses.

“Take.” he whispered, confused.

A tiny hope appeared in the older boy’s mind, believing he was being so lucky that Haruma didn’t remember the past night at all, but a few seconds and the horrified expression on his face belied him.

He sighed, frustrated; at that point, trying to make a run for it was completely useless.

He sat at the foot of the bed, bringing a hand to his mouth and torturing his lower lip with his nails, as he always did when he was nervous. Instinctively, Haruma leant toward him, grabbing tenderly his wrist and forcing him to stop, letting him go then as if he had just realized what he had done.

“Takeru...” he murmured, looking at him straight in the eyes. “What... what happened?”

 

_Takeru didn’t really know what was going on, and even less he knew how exactly it had come to this._

_He wasn’t lucid enough to blame alcohol either, because he knew it wasn’t because of the sake if he was letting Haruma kiss him, touch him, taking his clothes off; the fault laid only in that desire he felt for him, which he had put to rest months and months before, that now was missing any inhibition and was lashing out as it had always wanted to, inside the mouth and under the hands of the younger one._

_He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t._

“I think it’s clear what happened, isn’t it?” he replied the, with a voice harsher than he would’ve liked.

He was annoyed, but with himself, and he shouldn’t have taken it out on Haruma; especially not when he was soon going to have to disappoint him.

The younger one nodded, frowning, still with the expression of who can’t really understand what has happened.

Takeru would’ve also helped him, hadn’t those images been hurting him, exactly like they were going to do in the days to come, for him and even more for Haruma.

“We...” Miura murmured, looking around for a moment, before chuckling embarrassed. “Yes. Seems clear.” he passed his hands over his face, just like Takeru had done, and like him he seem to find some relief in that. “I don’t remember everything. I’ve got glimpses, mostly. Did we drink?” he asked, as if the whole situation was completely normal to him.

Takeru sighed and nodded, reaching a hand out as if to touch him, but then changed his mind.

He wasn’t comfortable, at all.

“Yes, we’ve drank. And we shouldn’t have, Haru, I...” he said, confusedly, then shook his head.

The younger one bit his lips, pensive; then, against all odds, he smiled.

“It mustn’t have been good if you have that annoyed face.” he joked, lowering his eyes on the bed, without looking at him anymore.

Takeru closed his eyes briefly.

He already knew it wasn’t going to be a free mistake. Just, he hoped that Haruma would’ve taken it well, that he didn’t blame him, that he accepted his part in it.

The fact of being the one who was going to suffer, in Takeru’s opinion, didn’t give him the right to make him suffer in return.

 

_“Haru... Haru, perhaps we shouldn’t...”_

_The younger one brought a hand over his mouth to shut him up._

_He smiled, and he looked so happy that Takeru didn’t have the courage to say anything else._

_He felt lightheaded, he felt excited, and he would’ve thought about consequences the next day. He gave himself completely to Haruma’s attentions, letting him touch deeper, feeling his fingers inside starting to prepare him, seeing the smile disappearing from his face replaced by an intent and focused expression._

_He pushed his hips toward him and his fingers, moaning loud, without any inhibition, any shame._

_When Haruma got tired of waiting he sat on the bed, pulling Takeru on himself and letting him slip over his cock, shutting his eyes tight and rolling his head back against the wall, moaning out of the purest satisfaction._

_Takeru on his part couldn’t say a thing, nor could move for the next few seconds._

_It was so damn perfect._

_It was like he had always imagined it, feeling Haruma inside, feeling himself open around his body, feeling him starting moving determined, turning him on even more as the minutes went by, making him feel good._

_Making him ask himself why he had deprived himself of this for all this time, and because of the alcohol he couldn’t find an answer._

“It’s not that it wasn’t good. It’s been...” he pause, blushing. “That’s not the point. And you know that better than me, don’t you Haruma?” he asked, avoiding his pet name on purpose.

The younger one shrugged, chuckling again.

“The problem should be mine though, shouldn’t it? I’m the one who should’ve stopped last night, sake or not sake, and I didn’t.” he sighed, moving closer and resting a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to take responsibilities for my actions, Takeru. It’s not worth it.”

For a split second, or perhaps even a little while longer, Takeru hated him.

He didn’t understand why he should pretend nothing bad had happened, why should he pretend to be strong when he knew he wasn’t, not in these circumstances, not with him.

He moved the hand away harshly, standing up.

“I’m not taking on your responsibilities, Haruma.” he hissed. “I’m just telling you I’m sorry for what has happened and I’m sorry that we didn’t stop when we did get a chance.”

“You regret it then?” Haruma asked, still completely calm.

Takeru was about to reply, but he stopped and thought about it.

He didn’t.

He regretted what was going to follow, of course, but he couldn’t truly say he didn’t like having sex with Haruma.

He had wanted it for so long that he had almost feared to be disappointed in his expectations, and finding out that it hadn’t been like that had done nothing but make him feel even better with him.

But that’s all it was and the problem, in the end, was that.

 

_When he climaxed he held himself tight to Haruma’s body, shutting his eyes and trying to make that feeling of warmth, of fullness last, now aware he was never going to be able to feel like this again._

_He felt him moving inside for a few more minutes, tightening the hold on his hips for one last time before coming, biting his collarbone to suffocate a moan._

_Takeru let go against him, letting Haruma wrapping his arms around him, relishing the warmth of that hug because he knew that once they would’ve fallen asleep it was all going to end._

_“I love you.” Haruma whispered in his ear, sad, and the older one clenched his fists hard, as if he was trying to keep out of his mind the sound of those words._

_But he couldn’t, and as far as it concerned him, he had ignored far too long the meaning of those words._

He didn’t have the courage to still look him in the eyes.

He stared his own hands while he tortured his fingers, and shook his head.

“No.” he said, simply. “I know I’ve made a mistake, but it doesn’t mean I regret it.”

Haruma sighed. All of a sudden, he didn’t look so amused anymore.

“Decide, then. Whether you regret it or you don’t. You’re either sorry or you’re not. Why are you sorry, anyway? You did nothing wrong, didn’t you?”

“You said it to me last night. Do you remember?” he asked, not because it explained anything, but because he wanted to hurt him, to get his revenge for his indifference. “You told me you loved me.”

“But sometimes love’s not enough.” Haruma said, shrugging, looking him in the eyes as if he felt nothing right now, as opposed to what he was saying. “Takeru.” he added then, sighing. “It’s not that I love you because I want to, because I feel like hurting myself of complicating both our lives. I love you because that’s how it is, and I’ve got no choice. So, don’t think about what I feel or don’t feel too much. Like I’ve said, it’s not your problem.”

He didn’t think that, and Takeru knew; it was like, by doing so, he wanted to make him feel even more guilty.

Because Takeru didn’t love him and was never going to, he had always been clear on that.

It wasn’t a fault, but a fact. As it was a fact that sleeping with him had being his worst mistake, considered the already unsteady situation between them.

“I think I’d better go now.” he murmured, finishing to put on his clothes, looking at Haruma for a split second, then going to the door, save stopping on the frame when he was called.

“I think it’s better that we don’t talk about it anymore, right?” Haruma asked, and when Takeru looked at him again he saw him staring at an empty spot in front of him. “And it’s better that you don’t think about it. Don’t lose sleep over it, Takeru.”

“Will you think about it?”

Haruma’s face became sad all of a sudden, his spirit broken and his hope for something to happen between them one day disappointed.

But still he didn’t show it, and Takeru believed that to be his revenge, that it was the price to pay for that one single mistake.

He left without saying anything else and without waiting for an answer that, he knew, he wasn’t going to get.

Whether he wanted it or not, he had humiliated him enough already.

 

_Falling asleep next to Haruma had been so damn simple that he wondered why he couldn’t do it more often, why had he denied himself to do it before._

_He stayed there, against his body, drenched in his warmth, and he felt sad all of a sudden._

_He wondered why in the world he couldn’t love him._

_Falling asleep next to Takeru had been so damn simple that he wondered why he couldn’t do it more often, why the older one kept denying it to him._

_Takeru stayed there, against his body, letting him feel the warmth of his body, and Haruma felt sad all of a sudden._

_He wondered why in the world he didn’t deserve for Takeru to love him._


End file.
